Looking into the Past
by xMoonDropx
Summary: AU. On Harry's sixteenth birthday Sirius and Remus give him his mother's diary. While learning about his parents' lives, he grows closer to one Draco Malfoy. Slash RemusSirius. HarryDraco. This story was posted before but it is being completely rewritte
1. Prologue

Looking into the Past

Summary- AU. On Harry's sixteenth birthday Sirius and Remus give him his mother's diary. While learning about his parents' lives, he grows closer to one Draco Malfoy. Slash Remus/Sirius. Harry/Draco. This story was posted before but it is being completely rewritten.

A/N- I recently took down the original of this story because I didn't like how it was turning out and by uploading new content into old chapter spaces I felt that since this one if becoming so drastically different from the other that it should just become it's own story and the other one should disappear. For example, in the original everyone ws straight and now four of them are gay. And I really don't know how it happened. But I have talked too much, so enjoy!

_Halloween night, 1981._

The Potters were seated in their living room, enjoying a peaceful night. There was a small fire going in the fireplace and young Harry was playing with some of his toys. His parents, Lily and James, were sitting close together on the couch, quietly talking and watching over Harry, making sure he did not get to close to the fire. Harry had just thrown one of the soft balls he owned at himself when they heard the front door burst open. Both of the adults sprang up from the couch. Lily picked Harry up from off the floor while James started performing protective spells over the three of them. He then turned to his wife, a look of seriousness and grief in his eyes.

"Lily, take Harry and go. Try to get out of the house or something. Send an owl to Dumbledore; let him know it wasn't Sirius who betrayed us. Now go!"

"But, James, I can't leave you here!"

"Yes, you can. We need to try and save Harry. He deserves to live more than we do since he has had so little time here. Lily, you have to try and keep him safe."

"I'll try. I love you, James."

"I know. I love you too. Hurry, he's almost here."

Lily nodded once, tears gathering in her eyes. She held Harry closer to her as she an out of the back of the room and upstairs. She opened the door to Harry's room and locked it securely after she was inside. Harry's room had the most protective spells on it simply because Harry was the only one unable to defend himself. Lily put Harry down in his crib then crossed the room to the desk. She quickly pulled out a small roll of parchment and inked a quill. In a hurried scrawl she wrote:

Dumbledore,

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but when you receive this we'll be dead. Our location has been sold out to Voldermort and James is downstairs fighting him now. There are two things you must know. One- we switched our secret keeper to Peter because we wanted to keep Sirius safe. Two- we have placed a number of protection spells on Harry and his room so if by some miracle he survives because of them, send him to live with Sirius. They're going to need each other.

-Lily.

Rolling the parchment up into a small scroll, Lily quickly crossed the room to the window. The family owl was in her cage curiously watching the young witch. As Lily neared her, she stuck out her leg, allowing Lily to securely tie the scroll to it.

"Hey, girl. I need you to deliver this to Dumbledore immediately. Once you deliver the letter, go to Sirius' and wait there. Harry will be there, alright?"

The owl, Hedwig, hooted once and flew out the window Lily had just opened. After watching Hedwig for a few seconds, Lily went back to the crib. She picked Harry back up and held him close.

"Harry, your father and I love you very much. I just hope that everything works out and you stay safe. Be brave my little one, we will never leave you."

Lily opened her mouth again, but before she could say anything the door to the room flew open. Lily turned around hopefully, but saw it was not James and only held Harry closer to her.

"Where's my husband?"

"Where do you think, dearie? He's dead. Just like you two soon will be."

"I may die, but you will not kill Harry!"

"Stand aside you silly girl! You know it's all your fault that Harry and James are dying tonight."

"Oh, shut your mouth, Tom."

"How dare you call me that filthy muggle name!"

"How can you stand being such a hypocrite? You're only a half-blood but you prance around like an effen pureblood."

"You filthy mudblood! No one talks to Lord Voldermort like that!"

"If most of the wizarding world wants you dead, you can't be much of a lord."

"It's only mudblood trash like you that wants me dead. If the wizarding world wasn't so polluted, the people would be able to see how right I am."

"There is nothing right about how you think. If you have to kill off three-quarters of this world's population to make everyone believe in you, you can't be thinking right. Why are you like this? Killing innocent people can't really make you this happy. Can it?"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're the stupid bitch who decided to have a kid and go against my warnings. I've left you so many warnings, killed hundreds, but you refused to listen."

"Oh no! Don't you go blaming your killing sprees on me. I don't know what happened to you when you were younger to make you like this, but seriously, can't you go see a therapist and try and sort out all your problems that way?"

"You dare mock me! I've had enough of your babble. Avada Kedarva!"

Right before the green light came out of Voldermort's wand tip, Lily turned once again towards the crib and shielded Harry's body with her own. As the light hit her square in the back, she was jostled forward and Harry fell out of her arms into the crib. Lily's body crumbled to the ground, her green eyes starring into nothingness. Voldermort let out a cackle of laughter before walking closer to the crib.

"You know, Harry, it's all your mother's fault that you're dying tonight. If you had been born into a different family, things might have been different for you. You may have lived past the age of 5, depending on what type of family you were born into. But I'm afraid that with a mother as powerful as yours, I cannot allow you to live. Who knows, you may have inherited some of that power and one day could have become more powerful than me? And we can't have that, now can we?"

Voldermort let out one more laugh before leveling his wand with Harry's head. The young baby starred at the wand curiously. He grabbed onto one of the bars of his crib and pulled himself up, trying to get a better look at the wand tip. Voldermort took that moment and utter the two fateful words to kill Harry. As soon as the green light left his wand tip, he turned around and started walking out of the room. If only he had stayed a moment longer, he might have seen the light shield that went up around Harry or the bright light that rebounded into him, causing his soul to depart his body and him to not be heard from for many years...


	2. Chapter 1

_Looking into the Past_

Chapter 1

_**July 31, 1996**_

Golden light from the sun was slowly creeping into Harry's half opened window. Around 9 o'clock the sunlight had reached his bed and was in his eyes. His tried for a few minutes to not let it bother him and to go back to sleep but to no avail. Muttering about how someone should create a remote to control how much light the sun emitted, he sat up in bed and began groping for his glasses on his nightstand. Once the glasses were found and he put them on, he ran a hand through his messy black hair, hand resting on a strange lightening bolt scar for a moment.

Harry threw back the one sheet that he had taken to using for the summer months and stumbled out of bed. He was only dressed in a pair dark blue boxers and began looking for a pair of pants. He saw some jeans on the floor and reached out to pick them up, the sunlight illuminating a jumble of scars on the inside of his arm. With the jeans now firmly resting on his hips, he walked out of the room and downstairs to the kitchen. Inside the small room he found his godfather and "uncle" joking back and forth about Harry's last birthday. Once Sirius, his godfather, saw Harry standing in the doorway, he jumped up from his seat and the table and leaped onto Harry.

"Harry, how good to see you! You're getting so old! I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast!" Sirius exclaimed, fake tears in his eyes.

"Sirius," Remus said from his seat at the table, "I think you're scaring the poor boy. And it doesn't look like he can hold you for very much longer before he falls."

Sirius glared at Remus and then looked down at Harry, who was indeed staggering slightly from the weight of his godfather. Sirius gave a disgruntled sigh and then leaped out of the young boy's arms. He walked back to the table and sagged into his chair. Crossing his arms across his chest, Sirius continued to glare at Remus. Harry walked to his seat at the table and looked back and forth between his godfather and uncle.

"Sirius," Harry asked timidly, "why are you trying to glare Remus to death?"

"I'm not trying to kill him, just burn him slightly."

"And you're doing this because?"

"I don't appreciate being called fat because I am not fat. And I really don't appreciate my boyfriend insinuating that I am overweight."

"I didn't call you fat!" Remus exclaimed exasperatedly. "Just look at Harry. He's stick thin and you expect him to be able to hold a grown adult for more than a minute?"

"You so called me fat, Remus Lupin!"

"Did not!

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Sirius, Remus did not call you fat. He is merely calling attention to the fact that I would have difficulty holding up any one person. So would you two please stop fighting? It's my birthday and I would like to enjoy it."

"Oh, alright kiddo. But only because it's your birthday."

"Thanks, Sirius. So what's for breakfast?"

_**AbAbAbAbAbAb**_

The rest of the day passed peacefully. The three men spent the day together in the family room, going through old photo albums. Most of the pictures were from when Harry's parents and friends were in school, so Sirius would tell what had been happening when the picture was taken. After a rather entertaining story about a pillow fight Lily had instigated, Harry's stomach gave a loud grumble.

"Sounds like birthday boy's hungry," Remus chuckled out. He rose from his position next to Sirius on the sofa. "Sirius, you go and put the albums away while I start making dinner."

"Remus, what's for dinner?" asked Harry curiously.

"Ah, Harry, that's a surprise. Go up in your room and write a letter to some of your friends, why don't you? They'll want to know that you've had a good birthday."

"Fine, be that way. I'll see you guys in a bit."

Harry walked out of the room and back upstairs. He came to the door of his bedroom and opened it slightly, sneaking in before it closed behind him. He crossed to the desk and picked up a sheaf of parchment and a quill and ink then went to his bed. Stretching across the blanket, Harry laid the parchment by his pillow and placed the inkbottle on his nightstand. Inking the quill he began his letter.

_Draco,_

_Remus doesn't want me to know what my special birthday dinner is, so he told me to write to one of my friends. I'm sure he was expecting a letter to Ron or Hermione, but whatever. I know I promised to tell him and Sirius about us becoming friends, but I like having secrets, though you already knew that. I'm sorry I haven't told them yet, I promise to do so before summer break is over. Maybe I'll tell them at the station, right before I run onto the train. Their faces would be priceless. I know, you won't be happy if I wait that long. I'll try and tell them tonight at dinner. I may have to wait because it's them two and they probably have a thousand surprises ready for me._

_Draco, I'm glad we're friends. I know it's a secretive friendship and all, but you make me feel better. I know, try and tone down my homosexuality. We have to be better friends before we can start dating. See, you've drilled that into my head. I don't really understand why we aren't already better friends; it has been a few months since we started talking. And before you start wasting a reply on about how we're not better friends because I won't tell anyone that we are friends, don't, because you've drilled that one into my head too._

_And since you'd come over here as fast as humanly possible if I didn't include this, no I have not cut since school let out. You were there the last time it happened, you saved me the last time it happened. And yes, I just lied. You see right through me, did you know that? I swear it wasn't a big cut and you really shouldn't worry so much, but you're going to worry because that's what you do. I swear, your energy would be much better spent on other things. But you never listen to me. You should listen to me. I know what I'm talking about. I really do. Why won't you listen to me?_

_I know why you won't. But it doesn't make sense to me, Draco. You really don't need to worry over me. The time you found me was the only time I went that far and it had been an accident. I meant to bandage it up, but I just felt so sleepy and I was really comfortable on the floor. I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for not telling anyone. I've heard Remus and Sirius talking in their room sometimes about my parents and how they worry that I may end up depressed like my mother. From what I can gather she may have been a cutter, I don't really know. But Sirius said that if I were the same way I'd have to go to a mediwizard and get medication. I don't want medication. Remus is calling me for dinner now and I'm sure they have something spectacular waiting for me so I'm going to send this off with Hedwig now and wait for your reply._

_Love you,_

_Harry._

Harry got off the bed and tightly rolled up the parchment. He walked across his room to where Hedwig was resting in her cage and gently called to her. She blinked up at Harry who held the scroll up.

"I need you to bring this to Draco, alright? He's usually pretty good at writing back fast so you can wait there for a response, alright?"

Hedwig hooted once then held out her leg for Harry to tie the scroll to. After securing the letter, Harry petted Hedwig lightly on the head before opening the window and letting her out.

_**AbAbAbAbAb**_

Dinner was finished and Sirius was drying the last few dishes while Harry and Remus were waiting for him in the family room. On the table in front of the sofa was a small pile of presents and Harry was looking at them, trying to figure out what was in each. A few moments later, Sirius joined them on the sofa, his arm going around Remus' shoulders, pulling the man closer.

"Go on kiddo. Open them!"

"Am I the only one who gets the feeling that he's more excited than me about opening _my _birthday presents?" Harry asked, turning towards Remus.

"It's just the childish side in him. And if I were you, I'd open them before he tries stealing them again last year."

"Why do you guys talk like I can't hear you?"

"Because we love you so much."

"What? Remus that made no sense at all and you know it."

"Know what? Start opening your presents, Harry."

Harry gave a short nod and then reached out for one of the presents. The silver wrapped square was large and heavy and Harry knew before he opened it that it would be a book from Hermione. He was right, when the last of the paper came off it reveled a copy of _The top 100 Quidditch Players of all Time. _Hermione had written a note on the inside of the cover explaining how she hoped that he would actually read one of the books she got him for once. The next present was from Ron and he had gotten Harry a small chain necklace with a Firebolt charm on it. The rest of the presents were from adults he knew, most of them being clothes. Right when he thought he was done, Sirius pulled out a small square shaped bundle and handed it to Harry.

"What's this? Why wasn't it with the others?"

"This is a special gift. And you won't know what it is until you unwrap it."

Harry took the small package from Sirius and carefully pulled the paper off it. Inside was a leather bound journal. The cover had golden writing on it saying _"Property of Lily Evans. Steal me and die." _Harry's eyes widened as he realized this was once his mother's and he could know learn more about her life.

"Where did you guys find this?"

"Your parents did know that Voldermort was coming after them. They did trust Pettigrew to keep their location safe, but they were still scared, so they placed preservation charms on their possessions so that in case of their death, you would have things to learn about them from. That's why we have so many pictures of them."

"Why are you giving this to me now?"

"We were told to wait until we thought you were ready to learn everything. And you're growing up into a fine young man, Harry, and we just thought your sixteenth birthday would be the perfect time to give it to you," Remus said softly.

"Guys, thanks. Before I go up to start reading this, I have to tell you something. Promise not to get mad."

"We promise, Harry. We'd never get mad at you."

"Alright. Well, you know Draco Malfoy? Me and him are friends now."

"You're friends with Malfoy? I thought you two hated each other?" Remus asked.

"We did. But we accidentally found out some stuff about each other and it was kind of a bonding experience. Me and Ron and Hermione are still best friends and stuff. Me and Draco are just becoming close friends. I know you hate his parents, Sirius, but Draco really isn't that bad."

"Harry, why would we get mad to you for that? Yes, we hate his parents, but over the years, I have matured enough to realize that each person is their own individual person and just because they have horrid, rat bastard parents, doesn't mean that they'll be rat bastards too."

"As Sirius so eloquently put it, we can understand that Draco is not like his parents. It's just slightly shocking since you guys met when you were 7 and decided you hated each other guts right then and there. And now about 10 years later, you're friends. But, there have been rumors about how he's turned out to be a nice boy. And you like him so have fun with him. Just, Harry, don't be ashamed of your friends."

"Thanks, Remus, Sirius. I'm gonna go up to my room now and read a bit. You two have fun. But nothing too disgusting. I don't want to hear you guys from my room."

The two adults chuckled and said their goodnights to Harry. Harry gathered his presents and then ran up to his room. He placed the lot of them on his desk and grabbed the journal, placing it by his pillow. He stripped himself of his clothes and pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms. Then he launched himself on the bed, got comfortable and opened the journal to the first page.


	3. Chapter 2

_Looking into the Past_

Chapter 2

A/N- So we are now starting on Lily's diary. There will be segments with Harry's immediate reaction and then chapters devoted to Harry's time. The diary chapters will always start off with an entry and the ones in Harry's time with have the date in Italics.

Tuesday, Nov. 15, 1976

Dear Diary,

Hello. Your name is now officially Cassidity. Why? Because I'm cool like that. My name's Lily, just in case you were wondering. And you should be wondering since I now own you and all. I promise not to be a total bitch like that. I'm sorry. I'm in a funky mood right now. Truth be told, I think I'm PMSing, so you'll have to forgive me. Rather, that is, I hope you'll be able to forgive me? Am I babbling too much? I sometimes have a problem with that. I would shut up, but that would rather defeat the purpose of having a diary, wouldn't it?

Let me tell you something, I'm a witch. Even if I weren't, my life wouldn't be normal. My father hates my mother and me. He has always hated us, but when I turned 11, it got worse. That's when my letter from Hogwarts came. Hogwarts is a school for magical children. You spend 7 years here and then you graduate and go out and get jobs in the wizarding world. But, you see my father detests anything that is not normal. And clearly, by being a witch, I am not normal. So then I started getting hurt worse. And my mom tried to save me by telling father that she's a witch too. That really wasn't a smart move on her part because then she started getting it worse too. Have I mentioned yet that life sucks?

Mum used to be a healer before she met father and fell in love. She had always liked muggles and often after leaving work would go to a muggle coffee shop. Father worked there, he was fresh out of university and looking for a job, but the for time, the coffee shop was his home. Since mum went there everyday he saw her often and soon worked up the courage to talk to her. They started dating and then got married. Father started beating her when he realized she made more money than he did and refused to give up her job. They had my older sister Petunia and he took a liking to her. Then I was born and I looked just like my mum, so I started getting hurt too. Mum used to heal us, but when he realized that was happening he threatened to kill me so she had to stop. At least now I can escape the beatings more often being at school for most of the year. I always worry about Mum. She has a secret account at the bank and is saving for us to be able to get our own apartment and move far away from father and Petunia. She should have all the money soon, I hope...

See, I always have this problem with not being able to see the brighter side of things. But I try to see the brighter side, I really do. It's just not always easy. But that's what being a teenager is all about, isn't it? All teens have problems, some learn how to deal with them and some don't. But whatever. I've gone really off subject now, haven't I? I have. Oh my god I am so bad at keeping a diary. My mind wanders so much. It should stop wandering, shouldn't it? I dunno. Sometimes my brain works too much and I think too many thoughts and I just get all confused and want to cry. It's not fair. Stupid overactive brain. Be overactive for someone else, I got enough on my plate as it is. Do you want me to shut up yet? Because I will, if you want me to. Though that doesn't seem really fair since you are my diary and all. You know the place for my thoughts. So I'm going to continue to write and you can bitch if you want and maybe when I get tired, I'll stop writing.

So anyway, I can't really think of what to write besides my babble and have decided that you deserve to know some general knowledge about me because that would be a good thing to know. As I've said my name is Lily, Lily Marie Evans. I'm 15 years old, soon to be 16 and am a Gryffindor. Gryffindor is one of the four houses at Hogwarts and if you really want to know about the houses I would suggest reading _Hogwarts: A History._ That's a really long book though and probably pretty dull so I really wouldn't recommend it even though I just did. If you're reading this diary then you should already know about the houses. And if you don't then put this down right now or die. And I mean that in the friendliest way possible, I really do. My birthday's December 13. I'm awaiting a letter from mum on that day because she was hoping to have all the money saved by then. She said it would be my special birthday and a reminder that being a witch isn't something to be ashamed of. And it really isn't. Just sometimes after hearing something over and over again you begin to believe it is true...

Wanna know something else sad about me? Everything about me is sad, isn't it? No, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. Right anyway, there are four other girls in the dorm with me. Three of them are best friends and the fourth is friendly enough with them but a lot of her friends are in another house, Ravenclaw, I think. And I'm not friendly with any of them. Occasionally, they'll steal my stuff. Because they're great roommates like that. Totally awesome roommates. The girl with friends in Ravenclaw, Arabella, she doesn't steal my stuff. Sometimes we talk, but it's about really general stuff, like homework. I dunno, I have problems opening up to people. So technically I guess it really is my entire fault I don't have any friends. God, I am such a loser.

You know, I'm not really all that sad. Well, yes, I am sad in that depressed, sad kind of way. But I was talking about, oh I don't know, like my life I guess. I mean, yes, when I am at home the shit gets beaten out of me and it happens to my mum everyday. And three of the four other girls in the dorm always steal my stuff. And I have no friends. And I'm mentally ill. But you know what? I get really good grades, I'm top of my year in all of my classes except two. And, this is going to be totally vain; I don't look all that bad. I have red hair that goes down to my waist. Most of the time I keep all of it braided in tiny little braids and use a bandana as a hair band to keep it out of my face. I have jade eyes and a splattering of freckles across my nose. My skin is really pale and I'm short, only 5'3", but I look good short. I'd hate to be tall like Petunia. I think that's another reason father doesn't like me, I'm prettier than his precious Petunia. Oh well, such is life.

Oh my goodness, I've thought of another reason as to why I'm not all that sad. All right, so there are four 6th year Gryffindor boys. If you ever meet them, be careful, they're a load of arseholes and love to play pranks on everybody, including complete strangers. Except me. You'd think the only girl in their year without a group of friends would get pranked and teased mercilessly, but it hasn't happened once in six years. I dunno. Maybe they just feel pity for me or something but it's kinda nice. I mean, life at home is shit but life here is pretty good. It could be a hell of a lot worse so I don't think I should complain. Yeah so you know, one has to give those boys some credit. They're incredibly smart and the pranks they do are brilliant. One of them, Remus Lupin, he beats me out for the top grade in Defense Against the Dark Arts. And another one of them, James Potter, he beats me for the grade in Transfiguration.

These guys, they call themselves The Marauders. Although no one is supposed to know that. I know a lot of things no one is supposed to know. I guess that's one of the benefits of being the girl that no one really knows. It's easy for people to overlook you and think that you're not paying attention to one single thing that they're doing. Anyway, The Marauders is their name for their secret group. It's because of this map they made. It shows all of Hogwarts and from what I can tell, you can see where everybody in the castle is. It also shows all of the passageways in and out of the castle. See, I told you they were smart.

You know something? James Potter is hot. All of them are, but I have a crush on James so of course he is going to be the hottest one to me. See, that's the problem with them. They're all too hot for their own good. All of the females in Hogwarts are in love with and they've probably turned at least a quarter of the male population here gay. It should be against the law for four hot guys such as them to exist, but to be best friends, that's down right sinful. They only make each other look better from their hotness. It's not fair! I mean, if they weren't all friends, or if they weren't so popular, I'd maybe perhaps but probably not have a chance with James. No, what am I thinking? I'll never have a chance with James. Not in a million years. I'm too damn pathetic. And undeserving. And freakish. No, I have to stop hating on myself... Stop thinking such bad thoughts...

Okay, yeah, I'll just start talking about one of my classes today. Maybe that will make me feel better. I doubt that it will but it never hurts to try. At least I hope it never hurts. So the Marauders actually only have one elective together and I happen to be in that class. It's Muggle Studies. So this month the class has been focused on what muggle teens do for fun. The teacher, Professor Schroder, introduced the class to Truth or Dare, Clue, Monopoly, and other muggle games. Today he decided that we would take friendship tests. The professor put us into pairs, and whom was I assigned to, but none other than Sirius Black. I know, I forgot to mention this, but he's one of the Marauders, as is Peter Pettigrew. He had a look of bewilderment in his eyes, like he didn't even know that Lily Evans existed. I'm used to that look by now, it happens in all of my classes, I brought it upon myself though.

Now, why the good professor was inspired to have us take friendship tests with people we aren't friends with, I have no clue. Maybe he was high. Nah, he doesn't look the druggie type. Though, he is young enough for that whole scene... I don't know. I'll just shut up about that for now. Anyway, this first part was a quiz on how well you know your friend. And surprisingly, Sirius left his paper completely blank! I filled out part of the paper on Sirius and actually got some of the questions right. And I think he's gay. Why? Because there was a question_ "Who do you think this person has a crush on?" _And since I really don't know I just put Remus' name down because since it was going to be a wrong answer no matter what I put I figured I might as well have fun with it. And when he read that, he blushed a very interesting shade of red. So perhaps Mr. Black isn't the player everyone thinks he is. Before we graduate I have to find out if he's really gay and if him and Remus have something going on. I have a year and a half to do this, so it should be all good. That would be interesting though... Two of the most popular guys in school being gay lovers...

Anway after the quiz there was a trust test. The basic idea of it was that your partner had to stand in front of you and at any given time they could fall backwards and you'd have to be ready to catch them. And if you weren't ready to catch them then you weren't a trustworthy friend, I think? I don't know. Sometimes I don't even understand muggles and I was a muggle for eleven years of my life. So (and look, more evidence of the Sirius loves Remus theory) Sirius fell into my arms right after Remus fell into James'. I think Remus had a better catching. Though he did fall into another boy's arms and boys are typically stronger than girls and Sirius, well, he's not heavy, but he isn't light either. Anyway, when it was my turn to fall, I didn't get to meet Sirius' arms. Oh no, I got to meet the nice hard, cold floor. All because Sirius was trying to burn James alive with his eyes for daring to fall into Remus' arms. My arse still hurts.

Schroder isn't a stupid guy. He realized that Sirius and I were having problems so he switched our pairs up. Sirius' face lit up when he realized that Remus was going to be his partner. You know, maybe those two are already dating and just keeping it a secret. They certainly act like it. Oh my god, you'll never guess who I ended up with. Actually you probably will because it isn't that hard to figure out. My partner ended up being none other than the one and only James Potter. See, my life isn't all that entirely bad. Anyway, for the last and final part of the friendship test, we had to walk down a flight of stairs blindfolded while our partner helped us. James held my hands! And I held James' hands! And now I promise to stop being such a total girly girl. It's just, it felt so right having him hold my hands. It was so perfect. And plus, if I had still been with Sirius neither of us would have survived. And that wouldn't have been a very good thing. Not good at all.

That was it for the friendship test. There was still a couple of minutes before the bell rang and Professor Schroder announced that next class we would be doing a muggle craft. He didn't say what, but I think it'll be fun. I really like Muggle Studies. It's one of the best classes I take. It's an easy grade and I don't know. I hadn't really meant to sign up for the class in the first place. I was going to take Ancient Ruins but one of the girls messed with my paper and so I got into this class instead. But those bitches didn't mess up my life as much as they hoped too. Because this is just one more class that I get the highest grade in. Can you tell that I like being smart?

Wow, I never knew I could talk so much. Well there's still an hour before curfew so I'm going to walk to the library and check out a few books. The librarian, Madame Gowey, told me that they got a few new books in that I'll probably enjoy. Yes, I know, my life is so pathetic that the only person at this school I can count as a friend is the librarian. But she's really nice and looks out for me. So night. I'll probably write more tomorrow. Something interesting is bound to happen. This is Hogwarts after all! Night.

Lily.

_AbAbAbAbAbAb_

Harry was still lying on his bed, shock going through his system. He had only heard bits and pieces of his mother's life when he was snooping around the house, eavesdropping on Sirius and Remus. Yes, he knew his mother was unhappy, but he had never heard the reasoning for her unhappiness.

"God, now I seem like such a damn pussy. I hate my life and for what reasons? So what if my parents are dead? At least they never beat the shit out of me. God, I'm such a fucking disappointment. All these other kids who hate their lives actually have a legitimate reason for it. Mum's probably looking out at me from the afterlife and wondering how she could have given birth to such a freaking pussy. Draco is right. I have no reason to hate myself so much. But then again, he's also wrong. The world would be better off without me."

"Harry Potter, I did not just hear you say that! Here I was coming for a surprise birthday visit and instead I'm greeted with that? You have some talking to do," said a person standing at the foot of Harry's bed.


End file.
